Lyrics
My “poems’ that i have written over time.
Worst Pain
Hybrid Theory
Self I
Life
Forbidden
Fading Away
Experience
Divine
A precious story
Unholy traces of love
Vreau
Unknown
Personalitate
Lacrimi
Haos
Asemenea Prin diferenta
Worst Pain
Worst pain
By LIGHTNING
Again I stand alone all tied up
Watching my soul imprisoned and cuffed
Waiting for you to rescue me,
And you’re soul mine.
I’m still waiting for you to show up
And I can’t see you
I try to bring you up in my imagination
But even there you don’t show up.
Asking myself why?
I found myself the answer right here near me
In my soul…
This difference in between is breaking our electronic link.
Somehow I managed to put my soul and feelings in images
High resolution and low gravity
Those are ways I seek forgiveness
Why do I always need to fall?
Some one rescued me…
But that wasn’t you
I was… a friend …
Who has the ability to understand… me and my soul.
I remember a face… a portrait … who once loved me
But it isn’t you…
Don’t know what I seek in you
As you have some1ne better than me.
I won’t stand in line as I always say
And I’ll feel what in fact is real,
I left all my hurts behind
“And I will never feel anything else until my wounds are healedâ€
My believes about the androgenic myth are now fading
Few time has remained until I won’t think about the soul mate
And think that we are just made so…
Made to suffer in all life… the worst pain that God has created is LOVE.
Hybrid Theory
The “Hybrid†theory
-feeling(s)-
By Lightning
Ever felt that feeling
Deep down in your stomach
Something like fear,
That unknown emotion.
It’s like a hybrid whose form you can alter.
At first is an emotion who is hiding in beneath your skin.
1st is a harmless feeling
Whose need you do not need.
But you feel his resurrection without your will
Confusion comes, sent by your couscous soul.
The 1st feeling you’ll feel is joy whishing it over and over again.
Then this hybrid is again mutating
That emotion is exploding quickly spreading allover your body.
You don’t know what happened with you,
As numbness takeovers your soul.
That feeling is knows as sadness.
When an outsider interviews
The hybrid inside your stomach seeks alteration
But all that he can do is adapt (ation)
Now the feeling is rejoining his old place
And you feel it right above the stomach
Almost feel like touching it,
Taking it in your hands.
So that you had felt was love.
When that interviews disappears with no reason,
The hybrid dismantles again and spreads out through your body,
Reforming his form, that sadness is.
Later sadness materializes into a feeling like love, when you remember, but stronger.
This hybrid has mutated for the last time.
The feeling is on a little lower level in your stomach.
This feeling is that witch you never want to feel.
As it hurts everyone near you.
That hybrid becomes your new soul,
A stronger, impenetrable and careful one.
So now you know all stages,
But the most common will be fear of never feeling love again.
THIS FEAR HAS MADE A DEEP SCAR ON YOUR SOUL
Self I
Self I
By Lightning
Unconsciously, I’m conscious
Of that I have to chose between this layers,
A feeling to calm this animal
Conscious fear and guilt.
Selfness cannot be controlled by will
It all becomes chaos,
Latent actions and uncontrollable
Bring self development to no psychosocial conflict.
There are eight stages of psychological life,
I’m currently in the fifth state in witch is dominated by knowing identity.
Normally I was supposed to have confidence into family and friends,
But it all leads to doubt and no trust.
Think that all of for all the problems that a my psycho-self is having has found an answer,
Privacy of isolations, marked by tries of “partner†find .
Failure in this direction coaches isolation,
Witch leads to no goal an no personal life.
So stick back to unconscious, consciousness .
Life
Life
By LIGHTNING
Braking the way thru my sour life
Finding forgiveness in my own mind
Sometimes I feel like my life is a test drive
Because I can’t take it any more and I think I’m going to die!
Shut up!!
I try to silence the voice inside me,
Still it won’t shut up and speaks louder and louder…
I feel I’m going to brake.
Feeling life like a tsunami you can’ escape from,
Like a volcano almost burning you up,
Like an earthquake making you always start over,
Like a storm keeping you on the run.
A little more and I’ll think the best way to escape is death.
Yes now I’m sure that life is a test drive,
Witch most humans fail…
I try to not be one of them… but I have no way to chose.
Life is a game with so many rules,
With so little options,
With so many foolish joys
And so few rewards.
My soul is my best friend
Here in this game of life, he’s my only option,
My only ticket out of here,
This is one nice thing God has provided us.
Life…
Has made people over the millenniums to enjoy her…
No matter of the obstacles…
Now people want to live for ever
Forgetting about this game.
Forbidden
Forbidden
By LIGHTNING
I find myself imprisoned
This soul is now hiding
And I cannot bring it up
As this need grows down
Found myself again so far
Any of my needs are broking up
I have a horrible headache
Stronger that any other
Feeling this pain raising up
But again I find myself imprisoned in my own body
Can’t reach the ultimate,
As I pas the Styx
Seeking for what I cannot have
I still hope to reach it
But the need grows again
And dream my soul burning into me.
Found what I was seeking
But I con not escape from this material form
I seek…
I seek for the power to materialize
I know that this is forbidden
But what can I do than just hope.
Found again the power to brake
But no divinity will allow me this.
Feel like a pest in this unreality
This degeneration in witch I am
Has the needs but it does not seek
To make peace it must be war.
It’s like seeking for the Graal
You like to feel like you’re immortal
And seek to total knowledge
But be careful ‘cuz you will fall like the first angel.
It’s like a second primordial mistake
Still you won’t realize
Until you will dematerialize
This is the way we are to be… to seek everything we do not have.
Fading Away
Fading away…
By Lightning
Found myself in a state…
A state of psychopathically numbness,
Feeling a strong cold current rushing through my body
My skin is turning black!
Ah…
Feel like I have no bones,
Like I’m made of stone
Soulless, impenetrable body.
This constant wave of sour
Is darkening my soul,
Turning it black of rage
As weirdness attacks I’m destroyed.
Trying to learn how to hack…
To hack other peoples souls,
Make them suffer as I get joy over me
Just like a virus.
My soul is a razorblade,
Cutting deep and have no fear,
Thinking that no1ne can hurt it more than it is…
As isolation has taken over he.
..I can’t take this anymore,
So I raise my shields…forever.
Want to run away from all I know here,
Not knowing everybody is a tasting feeling
But like a drug destroying you.
This last two stanzas,
Were just to explain, in phrases, the divine feelings
We were made at first alone, but then we had a pair
So that’s why sometimes we try loneliness as the last option before fading away.
Experiance
Experience
By LIGHTNING
I was taken to birth in speed
Birthed in pain and screaming
Raised by need,
Kept home as in prison.
Never had the chance to go out with the gang
Slowly hate and anger raised into me as I was pushed from behind
Shyness and shame installed into me
Poor combination of so called qualities.
As I raised I did not know what love is
Instead of parental love I did not know.
Late I knew what love really means,
And later I felt it…
It all started with anger
Continued with forgiveness and friendship,
When love installed pain was coming in,
And it all ended as it started.
And now at this advanced age
I decide to leave it all behind
This week arms are heavy
I had one shot and I blew it…
I felt my level of electricity going down
Started to live on batteries
But now I decided to burn my memories
So now I feel electricity conquering me again.
God! It feels good to know you can’t go old
Lose myself again in the music
Feeling indifference and be what I was.
Now I raised again my shields and my soul is pure again.
Stanza after stanza I leek lyrics
Splashing them onto paper
Feeling what this is:
THIS IS EXPERIENCE!
Divine
Divine
Feat. NIGGA
I drowned into my soul
But some1ne made me resurrect,
Made me care for it
And raised in me the feeling of never leaving it.
Feeling like it’s denying all that I’ve written.
Now sadness seems the happiest word.
The day I begun writing,
Nigga: Painting my pain , in lyrics
Between happiness and pain.
This child of annihilation
Is now reborn… lyrically
Painting my pain inside my head
Over my sick thoughts that brings me down in the cell of mind.
The summary of me
Is like the book of philosophy
…It’s and endless mythology… (LIGHT)
It’s endless motherfucker!
That’s why I tried to kill myself
Between happiness and PAIN
I can see the offence,
Of the block thoughts comin’ to me again and again.
This child of annihilation
Is now reborn… lyrically
Thoughts are coming like a waterfall
Trying to convert them in lyrics
Rolling and rolling, over and over again
Until mental blackout strikes
Numbness takeovers
And the pen stops writing
Eyes are stuck in one sight
Almost feeling time stopping
And I’m about to BRAKE………..
This child of annihilation
Is now reborn… lyrically
A Precious Story
A PRECIOUS STORY
Once upon a time…
As I was sitting in a throne
I found a person on the Internet Relay Chat
As we spoke almost friendly
I was taken through the hyper sensible highway
To the world wide web.
I seen there for the 1st time a real Angel
I found my eyes burning with desire of touching it
I let go to all other feelings
Only for that beautiful face…
As my feelings were like a fuse,
Burning slowly to my soul
I found everything that she knew
Offensive!
As she explained …
I always tried to understand
And I finished with truce to my heart,
I felt burning as the fuse was closer to my heart.
When she came I calmly
Took a taste from her tempting mouth
Desire…
I felt so inferior yet so superior to the surroundings…
We’d go every night and try to unite
Two unknown souls.
All those night I felt so little,
So insignificant to her…like a child.
I could not take use of my power
I was so vulnerable to her actions,
There were times when I hated everyone she know..
And yet not afraid.
Even in sickness…
When she left I was so confused
And I…
I have a dream with “crilon blue†skies and green waste lands…
But yet I got out from my hiding in shadows.
Over some time,
A few days later
I felt a strong feeling…
Pleasure and pain, I felt love..
Even if she believed it not
That was what I felt and feel
Only stronger.
The fuse was still burning towards my soul.
At first I felt all the feelings that can be felt.
Anger, glossy, fear, love, desire, all in one,
Until they all stabilized in me,
And still I felt as I didn’t belong.
As a final act of courage,
I manage to defeat my tutors and inner fears,
And fly to her,
There I found a being more beautiful than the Angels thyself.
All those nights and days
I felt like in heaven with God itself watching over us.
There was no moment when I felt out of place
Only moments of joy related actions
…Regrets…
When I left I felt almost normal
When I got in my home in hell
When I felt her so far away
I looked into my soul and the fuse burned out
EXPLOSION !
I felt like Death cried for me,
Like I was in my own memories
And cannot touch her.
Sorrow.
My precious …
All those kisses we had
All the touches I kept
All the fears I overcame,
With u shyness has no meaning.
Unholy traces of love
Unholy traces of love…
Unholy traces of rage are allover my soul
Trashed and messed up
Almost thorn from my body
But victorious emerged from this war.
The human nature is self-destruct
Damn why does it have to destroy others too…
I don’t know where my home is anymore
Rejected by so many people
They say you are not responsible
But I can barely recognize my friends from my enemies.
Reluctant that they care.
‘Cuz they’re all seeking for attention
Just to be stars in our inner society
But even in my darkest moments
I still find my strength to fight again.
My eyes are burning of rage
And with all the anger that my soul possesses,
I rise up and fight them all
Until ill killed them all.
Don’t cry at my ending … just remember me.
“With the fingers of the memory I touched slowly the past like a blind man”
Vreau
Vreau
Vreau atat de mult sa fiu cu tine acum
Sunt atati de vreau care nu ii pot exprima in cuvinte
Ma simt ca si cum as fi pe partea cealalta a raului..
Ceva ma tine legat
Si nu ma lasa sa plec…
Ceea ce suntem noi este prea divin
Ceea ce am uni noi ar fi prea perfect
Asemenea androginului
Ceea ce vrem sa cream este interzis..
Ne unim dar suntem iar despartiti
Astept aceest moment al uniuni
Atatea momente de disperare
Era sa mor intr-o despartire
Dragostea a fost mai presus..
Cu atata ardoare lupt
NU VREAU!
Sa nu mai zic ceea ce vreau
Inlocuit cu imi doresc
Totul ar parea mai simplu
Atat de mult..
Sunt pus in lanturi
Razbat din toate puterile dar degeaba
E ca si cum as astepta lanturile sa rugineasca
IMi vine sa tip
Dar mai multa ura simt acuma pentru cei ca ne-au facut asta
Degeaba iubesc suferinta daca nu o am cu cine impartasii
Durerea e dulce
Dar mai dulce e atunci cand tu mi-o alini
Atat de dulce e cand te simt privindu-ma dormind…
Unknown
UNKNOWN
By LIGHTNING.
For every second that it pains,
A tear boils,
Burning through the eye.
For every moment spent in dark,
Fear kills the mind.
For every minute that I fear,
My body dies.
For every second that I look at you,
…And you look back
It’s harder for my eyes to stay.
For every moment you look back,
My heart beats harder…
And I remember all the things we tasted.
For every beautiful memory that we have,
I slowly cry inside…
Moaning them.
And for every moment spent with you,
Mo body gets stronger,
My soul gets fangs….
…But still I can’t help it to fear for unknown.
Personalitate
Personalitate
Printre ganduri ma plimb
Calare pe-o idée
Si incecrc sa nu le sperii
Sa fug ascunzandu-ma
Ca de o turma de bivoli.
Zbor sub apa
Ferindu-ma de cataclismele mintii
Inceputul e un curajos
Dar ma ascund in amintire
Cand penibilul vine cazand peste mine
Ma regasec alegand sa scap viu in urma tornadelor de suferinte
Si gasesc un cuvant sub care sa ma ascund
Intr-un colt am gasit o masca
Si plec cu ea pe fata
Mii de ochi zambitori asuprami se mira
Scap si ajung acasa exact cand masca se topeste
Ma uit in oglinda dar asemenea vampirului la mine dedublarea nu exista.
In fiecare zi incerc sa caut o reflexie
Dar in zadar, caci esuez asediat de propriile cuvinte.
Asemenea unui proverb,
Dupa atatea repetate esecuri prefer sa inched ochii
Si evadez in lumea mea de cristal
Unde totul este asa cum visez in vise
Si plang cand ma trezesc la realitate.
Lacrimi
Lacrimi
Am ucis atatea lacrimi
Cateva au reusit sa scape holocaustului
Alergand pe obraz in jos
Semnandu-mi moartea.
Am stat noaptea napadit de ganduri
Ganduri convertite-n sentimente
Sentimente ranite ale indiferentei tale
Ai spus ca nu mai crezi
Eu vreau iara…
Am inceput sa inteleg…
M-am mintit prin propria cunoastere
Ai avut dreptate
Eu sufar, incerc sa inec confuzia
Mai poti sa ma suporti?
Dragostea care mi-ai lasat in inima
Ca dovada,
Se pare ca isi face bagajele
Ori doar un nor de praf pluteste deasupra..
..Confuzia .. asteptand sa se asterne pentru ca totul sa devina limpede din nou
Cavaler al apocalipsului
Incep sa cred
De fapt verau..
Degeaba incerc sa evoc sentimentele
Pentru ca tu nu mai poti crede
Am riscat si am pierdut
Am urcat dar am cazut
…Ca primul inger
Am stat intins in noapte atatea ore
M-am gandit
Constient ca nu exista … dubiul
Vreau din nou 2 saptamani
Vreau din nou ingerul
Vreau din nou focul.
Torturat sunt de distanta
Ucis de un moment contemporan
Am zis ca tu esti viata mea..
Am vorbit mai pur decat adevarul..
Consecinte?
Haos
Este totu-n mintea mea
Nu reusesc sa ma controlez
Este un chin
Sa visez
Si sa nu reusesc sa devin,
Ceea ce vreau…Un demon Divin.
Imi tot promit ca nu am nevoie de tine
Dar sunt dependent fara tine..
Mi-as fi dorit sa te fi putut ucide.
Tind mereu sa ma ascund dupa propriul meu zeu
Indestructibil sunt si perfect
Doar in vise..
totul este al meu.
Risc sa ma otravesc cu bucati din vise
Si sa cred ceea ce visez :
Sa am aripi de libelula
Sa am haine din intuneric
Asemenea fata sa fie necunoscuta
Pierdut tot in umbra in timp ce ma plimb prin sclipiri de lumina.
Stau intins in pat cu privirea pierduta
Napadit de sentimente
Dau frau gandurilor
Si lacrimilor, ce incep sa se plimbe pe fata.
Cateodata as vrea sa imi ascund fata printre suvite lungi
Sa ma uit la tine prin firele imperfectiunii
Ma simt nu mai bine ca atunci cand eram singur..
Cu capul plecat stau invins de sentimente
Am sufletul sfasiat de durere
As vrea sa am colti din otel
Sa ii infing in tine, sa tip saturat de satisfactie
Innebunit de placerea razbunarii…
..Satisfacut de ideea mortii tale.
DA ! Candva, Distantå, Te Voi ucide !
Asemenea Prin Diferenta
Asemenea prin Diferenta
Sunt atatia ochi atintiti asupra interiorului meu
Atatea guri care ma intreaba ce cred eu despre tine
Atatea urechi care se astupa negand autenticitatea raspunsurilor.
Ignorat in atatea feluri
Subestimat si silit in inferioritate
Atatea lucruri care ma forteaza spre interiorizare.
Am crezut ca sunt mai mult decat as reusi,
Am incercat de atatea nenumarate ori sa fac pe plac
Dar oricat as incerca esecul ma musca
Si sfarsesc prin a-mi vinde viata neantului
Poate asa isi vor aminti de mine…
Am fost prin atatea locuri
Si am urcat atatea scari imateriale ale existentei
Trepte ale suferintei urcate de suflet
Moarte in viata, ceea ce urmeaza…
Am ales viata prin moarte
Sufletul sa-si ispaseasca aici pedeapsa
Prin moarte, direct in paradis prin iad sa ajung.
. nice poems!
on May 12th, 2006 at 1:25 pm
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